Feeling up and down lately, with still alot of things happening. Sigh . . . Sorry my post is always so sad and down. I am trying very hard to stand up again. And I want to thakn everyone for giving me the strength to survive.
Received a message from dear the other day, saying her grandma left this world. I hope it's in peace. Heard her condition was getting worse before this, I would rather her leave peacefully than suffering all this pain. Hope popo will Rest In Peace. When I received the message, I don't know why I feel so sad, so hollow in the heart. Although we are not very close, but I felt very very sad.
And I started thinking about a lot of things. I wonder what would happen if one day I DIE? I wonder when I am lying on the bed in the hospital, barely able to talk, lying there like a doll, would friends come and visit me ? Or I shall die the way I am lying there. (haha, I'm sorry for saying all these. I am just curious) Would anyone actually bothered?
Anyhow, things are starting to settle down for now I guess. Need to finalize all the Volunteer stuff by this week. Need a lot of motivation to finish all my left out jobs. As for work, managed to finish everything for now. Photoshop crashed 3 times the other day, was really sad and angry at the same time, but what to do. I had to stay over in office until 9+ to finish everything.
Regarding my sleeping problems, I don't know whether you guys have encounter it. You know, when you are very very tired and sleepy, but you can't sleep ? That feeling, It's makes me very FRUSTRATING! Feel like punching someone's FACE. HAHA! Now what I do is try to stay awake as long as I can, and die instantly. As in K.O. in bed, but the bad thing is, I am too sensative with sound. A little movement of anything, I would wake up. And SHIT! I wouldn't be able to sleep back. As mentioned earlier, I am not taking sleeping pills, due to the BAD FEEDBACK ( stares at everyone XD ), I can't rely on it, and I don't wish to see friends disappointed in me, but I can't sleep. I need my sleep. I need to work.
Gotten myself some flu pills, just to make me feel drowsy, tell you what, it made me felt even worse. *rolls eye. Ahahaha... anyway, will try my best to be more cheerful. And I am still waiting and digging for Lawak Kampus pictures which was taken during the 100% Gempak event last weekend to be uploaded and shared.
For now, I'll just share you the video. You can see our group from 0.23 onwards :) Enjoy ~
Received few nice pictures, wanna post and share them to all my friends. Still awaiting group and kuso shots from other photographers, but for now, will put in some that I already had.
Gokudera & Tsuna :: photo credits to razrig
Allen Dada and me ^^ photo credits to me, cos I camwhored using Allen's camera XD
from left :: Mukuro ( kagami ), Gokudera (wani), Tsuna (me), Chrome (Byou)
mukuro trying to kill the BOSS
Hahahaha... look at wani and chrome
silhouette shoot tryout
lalala~
Okay, in this picture, I am out of character =___=
Ehehe... <3
Me pretending to give out the prize to Kikyo-senpai XD
Kufufufufu... love this one !
finally a nice picture with mamoru ^__^ Thanks for all the pictures mamoru ~
First of all, wanted to thank friends around the GLOBE for comforting me in msn & FB. Thanks for the support, and all the long chat & talk. I don't know what will turn out without you guys. And I am glad that I knew all of you. Friends came scolding me and warned me, if i am going to take Sleeping Pills, they are going to kill me, so I guess I have no luck :D Anyways, I think I'm getting better. . . No time to think of this actually as there's only 5 weeks to CF. I have plenty of work to do.
Okay, I went to Anime Hanabi Festival last weekend, nothing much or I can't say it's good or bad, but there's something I want to comment :) For a first timer, you guys did a GREAT JOB! *Applause ^^ For getting such a venue and quite a number of sponsors. The bad thing about it is, I didn't get any flyers, goodie bags from the entrance until I asked them on my way back during Day 1. You should treat cosplayers better LOL. Instead of paying too much attention on those who are paying the entrance fee / outsiders. Your market is us :D If we don't attend, no one is going to be attracted to go in and your event is gone. Sorry to say this, but this is what I think.
Anyway, less talk. Pictures time. Was cosplaying as Sawada Tsunayoshi from KHR ( Mafia / Suit Version ) for both days Pictures are not fully up yet, I only share you 1 pic for now. :)
Thanks Exo for this awesome picture :) More pictures of group shot to come, after I get pictures from others.
It's raining heavily, I can't get back, so I decided to write a little. 've been busy with workshops for 1 week going around with some colleagues for this whole week. And finally today is the end of it. YAY! Once again, I want to thank friends for being so concerned and care about me. I am fine now. I guess. I am quite surprised actually when my pageview suddenly raised up so high in just 1 week. Really thanks a lot everyone. I owe every and each of you a get well soon and stand back up courage. Everyone has been telling me, "sam, stay strong!, Come talk to me if you need someone to be your ear"
Sometimes, it's not that I don't want to talk to someone, because of the previous incidents that happened, somehow I am scared. I am afraid to speak now. I don't have the strength to tell anyone anything now. I just want to be alone. In my own room. I hope everyone give me this time on my own, to go through. No worries, I won't cut myself this time. I am very focused on what I am doing now. I am trying to let my wound heal. So yeah...
After the previous incident, I've asked myself not to think so much. Mind says "No, I'm not thinking" but I don't know what is wrong with myself, I think I am going crazy soon. Every night when I lay down on bed, when I sleep, I sleep as usual, but whenever I wake up, I always wake up suddenly, and it's always a restless sleep.
Tried talking to some friends, and some of them suggested I should get pills for Insomnia = sleeping pills, which will calm you down and makes you drowsy. I've been thinking, should I get it and give it a try. I've experience black out last week when I was out with shio and wani, it's my 2nd time in my life after my first one back in 2003. I hope this is not some bad sign. And I hope this thing that has been torturing me would end soon. I think I probably should try taking 1 and see how it goes. I'll keep blogging. Since this is the only place that I can write out what I feel.
Loving everyone around who have been supporting me. Hope to see you guys soon. L & M U SW
I am so glad to see so many friends responded in my previous post. I've talked to those who approached me and after few days of thinking, driving around and sobbing over it, I've decided to ignore this person. I don't want to say who, but if you noticed I'm being very bluntto you, ignoring your questions, or treating you very weirdly, you are the person. And you don't fucking ask me how I know you betrayed me. God knows what you are doing and he wants me to know how "GOOD" you are. Next time if you have anything that you don't like about me, tell me face to face. Don't talk behind my back, cos I can't hear you. And I don't like people spreading stupid rumors about me. And you don't call yourself close to me. You are NOT!
Anyways, thanks everyone! For being there for me. Last week was really hard for me. And I never really realize I have so many friends who still care. ( Now I am acting like a kid ) Just wanted to express how I feel. Nothing to update actually. Nothing to write~ And I wish SW all the best for her A Levels. <3
