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| First of all, wanted to thank friends around the GLOBE for comforting me in msn & FB. Thanks for the support, and all the long chat & talk. I don't know what will turn out without you guys. And I am glad that I knew all of you. Friends came scolding me and warned me, if i am going to take Sleeping Pills, they are going to kill me, so I guess I have no luck :D Anyways, I think I'm getting better. . . No time to think of this actually as there's only 5 weeks to CF. I have plenty of work to do.
Okay, I went to Anime Hanabi Festival last weekend, nothing much or I can't say it's good or bad, but there's something I want to comment :) For a first timer, you guys did a GREAT JOB! *Applause ^^ For getting such a venue and quite a number of sponsors. The bad thing about it is, I didn't get any flyers, goodie bags from the entrance until I asked them on my way back during Day 1. You should treat cosplayers better LOL. Instead of paying too much attention on those who are paying the entrance fee / outsiders. Your market is us :D If we don't attend, no one is going to be attracted to go in and your event is gone. Sorry to say this, but this is what I think.
Anyway, less talk. Pictures time.
Was cosplaying as Sawada Tsunayoshi from KHR ( Mafia / Suit Version ) for both days
Pictures are not fully up yet, I only share you 1 pic for now. :)
Thanks Exo for this awesome picture :)
More pictures of group shot to come, after I get pictures from others.
Countdown to Comic Fiesta 2009 . . . .
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| It's raining heavily, I can't get back, so I decided to write a little. 've been busy with workshops for 1 week going around with some colleagues for this whole week. And finally today is the end of it. YAY! Once again, I want to thank friends for being so concerned and care about me. I am fine now. I guess. I am quite surprised actually when my pageview suddenly raised up so high in just 1 week. Really thanks a lot everyone. I owe every and each of you a get well soon and stand back up courage. Everyone has been telling me, "sam, stay strong!, Come talk to me if you need someone to be your ear"
Sometimes, it's not that I don't want to talk to someone, because of the previous incidents that happened, somehow I am scared. I am afraid to speak now. I don't have the strength to tell anyone anything now. I just want to be alone. In my own room. I hope everyone give me this time on my own, to go through. No worries, I won't cut myself this time. I am very focused on what I am doing now. I am trying to let my wound heal. So yeah...
After the previous incident, I've asked myself not to think so much. Mind says "No, I'm not thinking" but I don't know what is wrong with myself, I think I am going crazy soon. Every night when I lay down on bed, when I sleep, I sleep as usual, but whenever I wake up, I always wake up suddenly, and it's always a restless sleep.
Tried talking to some friends, and some of them suggested I should get pills for Insomnia = sleeping pills, which will calm you down and makes you drowsy. I've been thinking, should I get it and give it a try. I've experience black out last week when I was out with shio and wani, it's my 2nd time in my life after my first one back in 2003. I hope this is not some bad sign. And I hope this thing that has been torturing me would end soon. I think I probably should try taking 1 and see how it goes. I'll keep blogging. Since this is the only place that I can write out what I feel.
Loving everyone around who have been supporting me.
Hope to see you guys soon.
L & M U SW
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| I am so glad to see so many friends responded in my previous post. I've talked to those who approached me and after few days of thinking, driving around and sobbing over it, I've decided to ignore this person. I don't want to say who, but if you noticed I'm being very blunt to you, ignoring your questions, or treating you very weirdly, you are the person. And you don't fucking ask me how I know you betrayed me. God knows what you are doing and he wants me to know how "GOOD" you are. Next time if you have anything that you don't like about me, tell me face to face. Don't talk behind my back, cos I can't hear you. And I don't like people spreading stupid rumors about me. And you don't call yourself close to me. You are NOT!
Anyways, thanks everyone! For being there for me. Last week was really hard for me. And I never really realize I have so many friends who still care. ( Now I am acting like a kid ) Just wanted to express how I feel. Nothing to update actually. Nothing to write~
And I wish SW all the best for her A Levels. <3
Countdown to CF ::
SEE YOU THERE !!
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| Yup, it's November now and we are only around 1 month plus away from CF. Have not made any preparations, no mood in cosplay lately. Busy with work and dealing with stuffs around. And busy being the psychology doctor around frineds, but seriously, I think I am the one who needs one now.
WHAT IS TRUST? Wonder what you will feel if you fuond out one of your closest friend betray you ? Someone that you would share your feelings and everything going on with. Remember I always tell friends around never to trust anyone around you even your best friend. 70% is the max. Now I got backfired ? Oh well, I've been thinking a lot lately. And most of the time, I can't sleep. And I feel very heartbroken. If only I can share all this with mom. The pain in the heart is getting more and more deeper. I thought after I settle things with her, life would be better, as I thought the source of pain is from there. My life is ruined now. Maybe I should stop doing everything and concentrate on work + my relationship. Maybe I should stay away from fooling around, playing with friends, going for cosplay, and hanging out.
Will that help me to feel better ? Will I be happier ? Well, we shall see. I have no plans yet, but I plan to pay a visit to a psychology friend. I think I seriously need it. I am getting mad I think. Work is slowly settling down, lots of other stuffs to worry a bout.
I really wish I could just leave this world so that I don't need to go through all this.
I really wish that things are not this bad.
I want to be a BAD person. So that people are scared of me. So that people don't bully me but I've always told myself not to do that.
I want to be nice, I want people to respect me, I want people to like me. Why is it so hard?
I'm sorry I am crapping in my blog again. It's a total breakdown for me.
I wish I can cry out loud.
I wish I don't need to hurt myself to not think of this
I wish I can let everything down.
I wish my life less challenging.
I wish I could tell mom.
I wish I have a shoulder to cry on.
I wish the friend that I have trusted all this while would never do that to me.
I wish I was never born.
I wish I don't need to fight a smile.
I wish I can forget everything.
I wish I don't need to write all this here.
I HOPE THIS WILL END SOON . . .
I MAY LOOK STRONG, but to be honest, I'M NOT!!
oh yeah, just gotten a haircut 2 days ago, credits to chris yap for the awesome job. This is what I've been wanting to have. Love the hair.
Guess I will stop blogging for a while, until things get better.
Take care everyone, I wish everyone the best of luck and have a nice day always.
Cheers ~
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